ACT LIKE A CHILD

 

 

As far as society has come along with equal rights to women, gays and minorities, in some ways the world is even more repressed thanks for over-political correctness. If this is the age of “sharing and caring”, then let’s really go for it.

 

I believe we should reintegrate our childhood behaviors into our adulthood communication skills.

 

For instance… when my sister and I were children, we would argue and tease each other to exasperation until her only debating response was, “Shut up retard!” 

 

Today she is a respected lawyer who has changed state constitutional law in addition to other notable successes.  But I imagine her debate skills in court would be heightened in a scenario that implements her childhood, cut to the chase, no-nonsense reply:

 

OPPOSING COUNSEL

“Your Honor? I object!”

 

MY SISTER

“Shut up retard.”

 

See what I mean? Clean, clear, concise. To which the opposing counsel can reply, “I don’t shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.”

 

I was on an airplane yesterday and when the three year old girl had felt she waited too long for her drink from the stewardess, she screamed an ear-ringing pitch of distain and frustration. When she was aggravated with her mother, she swatted her in the face.

 

I would like to do that.

 

The man keeps kicking my seat? I turn around and scream in his face like I’m being mauled by a bear.  I step forward in line and the lady behind me continuously steps too close and bumps me over and over? I turn around and smack her right down the middle.

 

Your nephew hates the food on his plate and throws it on the floor. YOU hate the string bean casserole  your mother-in-law makes ever year at Christmas. Pick it up with one hand and sling it against the wall.

 

See where I’m going with this?

 

My little brother used to love He-man. We would hear him in his room early in the morning pretending with his action figures yelling the famous catch phrases of the TV series. When he had to fire a man last week, I told him to fire the guy then stand up from behind his desk and scream, “I have the powwweerrrr!” Then whistle the theme song while dancing around him.

 

We need to get back to real expression. Instead of snapping and pulling out guns at airports and schools, express yourself at the moment of anger’s origin and just tell the person they smell, hold your breath till you turn blue or poop your pants out of spite.