Horrible First Dates
1. A guy texted me for a 2nd date and called me the wrong name.
2. The guy that was supposedly Israeli and sounded Mexican.
3. The guy that was upset when I asked his age (the dermabrasion should have clued me in), then said “boyfriends are temporary, your career is forever” and ended the evening jumping away and yelping “NO!” when I went in for the guy’s half-a-hug saying he doesn’t “do that”.
4. The guy that brought his dog along. Talked about his dog. Talked to his dog.
5. The gyno that asked me to call him in case he oversleeps for the date.
6. The guy who spent the time telling me how cheap he was as I dodged his “nap breath”.
7. The HS principal who had tons of plastic surgery and sounded like Joan Rivers, yelling about his therapist and replying to my quips with a frozen, silent laugh pose that attracted attention.
8. The guy that was certain I wanted to go out with him because I recognized him from being in “the business”. He accused me of lying about it. After date 3, I kindly broke it off with him where he proceeded to verbally slaughter me on everything he first thought was cute.
9. The guy who told me he’d see me in 1 week when he came home from Europe. I never heard from him again.
10. When I asked an online guy if he wanted to finally meet for coffee, he replied, “But things are going so well I don’t wana ruin things!”
11. When I spoke on the phone to another single’s website guy, I asked when’s the best time to meet he replied, “Oh call whenever. I mean, it’s not like I have any kind of a life.”
12. A date that ended in him asking me to shave his back.
13. A date that ended when he told me he was a male “escort” but he really liked me.
14. A date that ended when he asked to borrow money from me before we even met.
15. The date that never happened when he asked if he could bring a friend along who was visiting. When I agreed, he said “Great! He can watch us get it on.”
16. The date that only gave 1 word answers.