Performing for the Jews


1 Nighter corporate dinner for 2000 people in TX, so no Republican jokes. They’re ultra religious Jews … so no jewish jokes. That leaves me with the cock jokes. My contract states that I go on after dinner is cleared but before awards or guest speakers so I’m not fighting with audience “food coma” or people leaving to relieve the baby sitter. I get there and like clockwork, 5 minutes before I go on, I’m told everything I cant say. Even though they’ve seen me work live or on tape and they had 4 months to have this conversation. AND they are insisting on first giving out the award to the 76 year old community leader who gets up and talks for 35 minutes about his family dying in the Holocaust. BRING ON THE COMEDY! Oh – and the 1 person she said not to mess with CALLED me over to his table to mess with him. Needless to say, I tanked, she hated me and asked me to convert. The Orthodox are fanatical, hypocritical douche bags and the Chazidiks dress like the Amish. … or the Blues Brothers. Why would God want you to wear black wool from head to toe in the middle of summer? As for the big black hats, I’m waiting for them to pull a rabbit out.